I begin this post with a mental image. Imagine, if you will, the inner workings of a complex machine. It hums, grinds, and its machinations produce a whirlwind of complex "product" only to come to a screeching halt and die silently after a reverberating "THUNK".
As I am fond of figurative and often vague metaphors, I can sum it up as such. Disappointment. I am in a place where the shining star of despair rises East each morning and sets in the Wild West of futility. I really must come to terms with what I am, or intend myself to be, because the time will come when it is too late to redeem my finer qualities and I am left as Skorn, the best of my worst, and unlovable.
My interest in meaningful human contact and relationships is waning more and more as time progresses and I fear I will become a true recluse in the years to come. I try to fight this of course with concentrated efforts at interpersonal relationships however let me again refer you to my aforementioned mental image. THUNK.
Disappointment. System Failure.
As usual I an not forthcoming with irrelevant details, such as who, when, where. But I make mention of this, if ever there was a chance, I was open to that being it. What is not to be is not to be, and what ever happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way. (Ill explain the genius of this later)
This worried me because the formula is roughly the same. I am still the master of my own vessel and the captain of the ship, so the blame must be mine right? I must admit this somehow, somewhere in this machine, is a faulty part or parts and must be replaced. But Im no technician. I only invented the damn thing.
So I guess what ever I think or have thought, about myself, my potential, my hopes even, the result is the same. THUNK.
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